


Breathe

by foxgirlontherun



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy is not okay, Canon Compliant, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Protective Steve Harrington, Suicidal Thoughts, he needs his sister, not yet, post S03, they are not a thing yet with Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxgirlontherun/pseuds/foxgirlontherun
Summary: It’s easier to love someone who’s gone,he thinks.Billy's not sure the world, especially Max, should know that he survived that 4th of July.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Breathe

Billy can’t seem to stop his hands from shaking, no matter how hard he grasps one with the other, squeezes his nails into his palms. He keeps staring at them, then down the empty street, it's too bright, too green, back at his hands again. Anywhere but the house.

Steve parked his BMW on the far side of the street outside Cherry Lane 4819 at least ten minutes ago, and they have been sitting here in silence ever since. 

When Steve hesitantly looks at him, ready to speak, his leg starts to bounce, too. _Fucking hell._

"Are you ready?" he asks gently. _It’s a stupid fucking question._

Thoughts, images keep racing, spiraling in his head. They get louder with every passing second.

People crying, begging, melting. Kids hurt. Max hurt. Max’s wrist squeezed, her eyes wet with tears. Her broken skateboard. Her friend’s broken bone. Heather's eyes. Steve’s face, grimacing, bleeding. His dad’s disappointed face, his silence, and his anger, the palm of his hands. Max with a bat. His mom’s voice on the phone. Max hurt, again and again.

"Billy,” tries Steve again.

"This was a bad idea,” he says, squeezing out the words, his chest feels too tight.

Steve stares at him with both disbelief and a touch of... _sadness?_

"No, man, you don’t mean that. If this is about what happened between you and Max at the mall, I’ve already told you...”

"It’s not just that,” says Billy. They fall silent again.

He can’t unleash all of these things on Steve. He wouldn’t understand anyway, he couldn’t, because he’s too fucking good, that some days Billy feels like he shouldn’t have survived. Feels like he doesn’t deserve to be alive, let alone be forgiven. And he was never needed here, or anywhere, so why bother?

He feels like choking now. But he can’t stop the train of thoughts. Why is he here? He was so stupid letting Steve convince him that Max needs to know, needs him. _It’s all stupid._ She has her friends to take care of her. _She’ll forget about me._

"Hey, take it easy, man! Breathe...” Steve’s face is out of focus, blurry, but his speech is clear and so soft, and he’s touching his shoulder. "We can come back another time.”

No, they can't, and they shouldn't have come. _It’s easier to love someone who’s gone_ , he thinks. She wouldn’t want him around, and he couldn't take it. _She’s better off without me. Can't breathe._ _They all are._ His dad got his perfect little family, too, he can be proud...

"Billy!” Steve says suddenly, looking past him, towards the house.

He turns slowly, feels dizzy, like he’s in a dream.

Max is standing outside the door, eyes wide open. Looking at a ghost. At him.

Steve’s talking but all Billy can hear is the sound of his racing pulse in his ears, and before he realizes he’s getting out.

She darts from the porch.

Slams right into him.

Wraps her arms around him, gripping him tighter with every violent sob.

Billy can breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to get this out of my head.
> 
> My first idea was Max's pov, came from the lyrics "maybe tomorrow I'll wake up to find you" (I Miss You - The Missing People Choir). Then I thought, we already know that she misses him. We have some ideas about how hard it is on her, and how happy she would be if she got him back. So I turned it upside down. Sort of.
> 
> English is not my first language, please, be kind.


End file.
